But “…I do believe her truly deserving of your regard” (from “Lady Susan”)
Caitlen’s solo title novel, YA fantasy, The Extraordinarily Ordinary Tale of Abigail Hale was picked up by Bloomsbury Childrens for a planned 2012 release. The full announcement can be seen in the 7/12 Publishers Lunch.
Jane Rubino will be kicking off the Ventnor Library’s Wednesday night series,
Authors Talk About Writing
Where: Ventnor Library 6500 Atlantic Avenue, Ventnor, NJ. (609) 823-4614.
When: Wednesday, July 7, 6:45 PM
Cost: Free and open to the public.
“My father’s opinion of me does me the greatest honor; and I should be miserable to forfeit it.” Elizabeth Bennet, in Pride and Prejudice
Real Fathers Read Books! Here are our Father’s Day selections of books that incorporate themes of fathers and fathering.
Caitlen’s Picks
THE KNOW-IT-ALL, by A.J. Jacobs. Editor and journalist Jacobs’ memoir of setting out to read the entire Encyclopedia Britannica – something his father attempted to do years before – and of his relationship with his own father, and the infertility issues that threaten to keep him from becoming a father.
OUR MUTUAL FRIEND, by Charles Dickens. When John Harmon, son of the wealthy and recently deceased Old Mr. Harmon, is presumed dead, the question of ‘who gets the money’ has far-reaching repercussions. There is an interesting contrast between the father-daughter relationships of the river scavengers Gaffer and Lizzie Hexam, and the ambitious Bella Wilfer and her long-suffering father, Reginald.
CONSENT TO KILL, by Vince Flynn. Flynn’s master spy Mitch Rapp is about to settle down with his expectant wife when an assignment – faking the death of a terrorist – leads the terrorist’s father to put a $20 million dollar bounty on Rapp’s head. Warning: this one gets violent.
BIG TROUBLE, by Dave Barry. Eliot Arnold is a journalist-turned-ad-man and single father tries to cope with his teenage son’s unrelenting disdain, in this multi-character crime comedy about non-too-bright explosives dealers. Suspenseful and hilarious.
THE BURNT HOUSE, by Faye Kellerman. (Or any of Kellerman’s Decker/Lazarus novels). Peter Decker is both a father and a detective, and while the novels focus on the crime, they always incorporate his marriage to Orthodox Jewish Rina Lazarus and their home life.
Jane’s Picks
TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, by Harper Lee. This Depression era tale of a righteous attorney/father who takes on a racially charged case is a modern classic.
FINN, by Jon Clinch. Clinch’s stunning debut novel creates a dark and controversial tale of “Pap” Finn, his complex relationship with his lover, his father and his son, Huck Finn.
THE CHOSEN, by Chaim Potok. Set in 1940s Brooklyn, this is the tale of two Jewish teens, one the son of a Hasidic rabbi, one the son of a Zionist professor, and the influence that their fathers have on their friendship and their futures.
DEATH BE NOT PROUD, by John Gunther. Gunther, a renowned journalist known for his “Inside” books on world culture and politics, is best remembered for this poignant memoir of his brilliant son Johnny, who died of a brain tumor at age 17.
PEREZ FAMILY, by Christine Bell. Juan Raul Perez was imprisoned in Cuba while his wife and infant daughter make their way to Miami. Now, twenty years later, he is freed and becomes part of the Marielito exodus, facilitating his emigration to Florida by uniting with three strangers named ‘Perez’ and presenting themselves as a family.
As announced at Publishers Weekly and on Austenprose last week, a new Jane Austen short story anthology will be published by Random House in 2011. The anthology will include twenty stories inspired by Jane Austen, by many of your favorite authors of Jane Austen paraliterature – and also a contribution by the humble authors of Lady Vernon and Her Daughter.
What better gift to give Mother than a day to enjoy a good book. We have chosen ten books about mothers and mothering that we think would make excellent Mother’s Day reading.
Caitlen’s Picks
Lady Susan, by Jane Austen; adult classic – The epistolary novella follows the wicked and captivating Lady Susan Vernon as she schemes to marry off her teenage daughter while carrying on several flirtations of her own.
Pollyanna, by Eleanor H. Porter; YA/adult classic – Orphaned Pollyanna is left in the care of her stern Aunt Polly and transforms her aunt and a dour society with her “Glad Game”. The book that made “Pollyanna” a synonym for determined optimism.
Coraline, by Neil Gaiman; YA/adult fiction – A chilling encounter with the seemingly perfect “Other Mother” teaches Coraline to appreciate her less-than-perfect parents.
Smooth Talking Stranger, by Lisa Kleypas; romance fiction: – An unwed mother leaves her newborn in the care of her sister, a single, career woman/advice columnist.
Not Without My Daughter, by Betty Mahmoody and William Hoffer; adult non-fiction – Mahmoody’s controversial account of a journey to Teheran with her Iranian-American husband; when he will not allow them to return to the US, Mahmoody devises a dramatic escape for herself and her 6-year-old daughter.
Jane’s Picks
Lady Vernon and Her Daughter, by Jane Rubino and Caitlen Rubino-Bradway; adult fiction – Our novel-length adaptation of Lady Susan. Makes a great gift!
Wives and Daughters: Women and Children in the Georgian Country House, by Joanna Martin; non-fiction – By way of four women in the influential Fox-Strangeway family, Martin delivers an excellent portrait of the duties and diversions of 18th century matrons.
The Mother’s Recompense, by Edith Wharton; adult classic –Kate Clephane, who had abandoned her husband and infant child is reunited with her soon-to-be-married daughter to find that her daughter’s fiancé is one of Kate’s former lovers.
The Adventure of the Sussex Vampire, by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle; short story – A Sherlock Holmes tale found in the Case Book of Sherlock Holmes, it focuses on an accusation of vampirism leveled against the mother of an infant.
The Mama mysteries, by Nora DeLoach; adult contemporary fiction – Before there was Madea, there was “Mama” Grace Covington and her daughter Simone, a pair of amateur sleuths in eight entertaining mysteries set in South Carolina.
As always, Janetility invites comments offered with good manners and in good humor. Just click on the ‘Comments’ link at the upper right of the article to bring up a comments form.
Our April Fool tweet was an “announcement” that Lady Vernon and Her Daughter had been optioned for film, and that “very innocent diversion” prompted us to dream up our ideal cast for a Lady Vernon movie. We decided that we would not only come up with a superior cast, but to cast the roles with actors who had appeared in a film or TV version of one of Austen’s books. Here is the result:
Lady Susan Vernon Kate Winslet (Marianne, Sense and Sensibility, film, ’95)
Frederick Vernon Colin Firth (Darcy, Pride and Prejudice, TV, ’95)
Frederica Vernon Lucy Boynton (Margaret, Sense and Sensibility, TV, 2008)
Sir James Martin Alessandro Nivola (Henry Crawford, Mansfield Park, film, ’99)
Lady Elinor Martin Sophie Thompson (Miss Bates, Emma, film, ’96)
Charles Vernon Raymond Coulthard (Frank Churchill, Emma, TV, ’96)
Catherine Vernon Olivia Williams (Jane Fairfax, Emma, TV, ’96)
Reginald deCourcy Rupert Friend (Wickham, Pride and Prejudice, film, 2005)
Lady Catherine deCourcy Alice Krige (Lady Russell, Persuasion, TV, 2007)
Sir Reginald de Courcy Hugh Laurie (Mr. Palmer, Sense and Sensibility, film, ’95)
Lewis deCourcy Anthony Head (Sir Walter Elliott, Persuasion, TV, 2007)
Alicia Johnson Julia Sawalha (Lydia Bennet, Pride and Prejudice, TV, ’95)
Mr. Johnson Tom Wilkinson (Mr. Dashwood, Sense and Sensibility, film, ’95)
Eliza Manwaring Samantha Morton (Harriet Smith, Emma, TV, ’96)
Robert Manwaring Crispin Bonham-Carter (Bingley, Pride and Prejudice, TV, ’95)
Maria Manwaring Carey Mulligan (Isabella, Northanger Abbey, TV 2007; Kitty, Pride and Prejudice, film, 2005)
gen·til·i·ty (j
n-t
l
-t
) n. The quality of being well-mannered; refinement.
jane·til·i·ty (jān-tl-t) n. A salon where all discourse is carried out with refinement and courtesy. Where the spirit and civility of Jane Austen’s work is upheld, while exchanging news, views, and reviews on Austen, literature, tv, movies,special events, pop culture, food & cooking, and our pets.
April 5
London
My dear Cassandra,
Henry and I had no sooner got settled than Mr. Plumptre sent ‘round a note that he had secured a Box for the second Chapter in the series of Playlets, of which the first was Twilight. I confess that I was curious to see how the Romance of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen would fare, as the last Chapter, which concluded with a declaration of Mutual Affection, did nothing to address the Impediment of Edward’s gross Affliction. The second Volume of this Playlet was put up under a different Title – New Moon – but the principle players were all carried over, and it was all set in the same cheerless village of Forks, save for a jaunt to Italy just at the last.
The New Moon Playlet began with the approach of Bella’s eighteenth birthday, which brings on a Plague of troublesome Dreams. The meaning of these Visions is made clear upon the presentation of gifts from her father and mother (whose gift was sent from the distant country where she continued to live with the Cricket Player of great renown) – a Device for capturing images and a Book to collect them all together for viewing in years hence. These presents cause Bella to reflect upon a peculiarity of Edward’s Malady, which – other than his excessive Pallor, and partiality for night and shade, and difficulty in speaking above a whisper, and feasting upon the Blood of wild animals but eating scarce anything else – prevents him from growing old in the normal fashion, so that Edward, not yet twenty, would always remain so while Bella would suffer the natural Advancement of the years. Bella laments that if Edward will persist in his refusal to pass his Malady on to her, there would come be to so great a disparity in Age, as must bring an end to his affection.
Edward, in an effort to make her understand the grave Consequences of her Ambition, relates some history of the Afflicted – how they must hold themselves apart from Society and go about with an attire and countenance akin to Mourning, and submit to the strict and unforgiving Authority of Royal Councillors. These Councillors are charged with finding Employment for any Sufferers who may have a particular Aptitude, as a facility for reading Thoughts or anticipating future Events, and with ensuring that the Afflicted will never cast Opprobrium upon their fellow Sufferers by making themselves a Spectacle, an breach that will result in the Offender’s violent death.
Bella’s eagerness to become one of the Afflicted, and Edward’s determination the she shall not be, puts them at variance, but it seems near to being smoothed over when Edward’s family hosts a party in honour of Bella’s birthday – until an act of Misbehaviour results in an injury to Bella and stirs up the Cullens’ Appetites for her blood, which they must exert to repress. As Doctor Cullen dresses her wound, Bella declares her eagerness to share in their Affliction, so that she will not lose Edward’s love by growing older while he remains young. Doctor Cullen replies that it is a Belief among the Afflicted that a Consequence of their Malady is Eternal Damnation, which may explain Edward’s reluctance to have her share in their Plight, and yet Bella is willing to suffer even Eternal Damnation if it might be united with Eternal Youth.
Edward’s family, however, believe that she cannot know her own mind, and so resolve upon departing from Forks where Bella must always put them at risk of succumbing to their Appetites, and so draw them into a Spectacle that will excite the wrath of the Royal Councillors. Despite Bella’s pleadings, Edward can only reproach himself for not being more guarded, and for raising Expectations that – considering their difference in Circumstance and their Natures which are so decidedly at variance – could never be fulfilled, and with a caution against heedlessness and risk – as he can no longer be her Protector – he leaves her with every wish for her Health and Happiness.
Bella is thrown into such despair that she wanders into the woods without knowing what direction, and at last falls into a Swoon, while her father and friends, distressed by her prolonged absence, set out to find her. At last she is discovered by a young man named Sam, who had been so eager to be one of the Searchers that he did not even pause to don his Shirt.
For many months after Edward’s departure, Bella indulges in Recollections of the Past and laments the Present, until her father’s suggestion that she return to her mother and the Cricket Player compels her to make a show of good cheer, and to attempt at something like Diversion with one of her friends. In the course of an excursion, they spy a group of ill-mannered young men who course about on peculiar two-wheeled Vehicles in a wild fashion and quiz any young ladies who happen by. Bella recalls an episode when she had been saved by Edward from a similar band of Ruffians, and – struck with the desire to defy Edward’s parting Caution and throw herself at Risk – she consents to course about with one of the ruffians. This exploit brings about such an intense Agitation that it calls up Edward’s likeness in her Imagination, and Bella decides that if she can devise some method of stirring up that state of Agitation, she might once more call up the image of Edward.
Reluctant to trust herself to the Ruffians, she decides to course about in a Vehicle of her own, but without means to purchase one, she collects bits and pieces of discarded Vehicles, and persuades her friend Jacob Black to make them whole. In the course of this Project, their friendship deepens, and Jacob begins to feel great Affection for Bella; as for Bella, while her love for Edward does not lessen, Jacob’s affability and good cheer drive off her state of unrelieved Despair.
One afternoon, when travelling a mountainous road, Bella and Jacob spy three of his friends frolicking shirtless upon a Precipice. The leader of this group was the very Sam who had carried Bella from the woods, and to Bella’s horror, he goads some of the young men to cast another from the cliff and into the Sea. Bella is astonished by such a display of Imprudence and Incivility (despite her own schemes to submit herself to Risks and Perils), but Jacob assures Bella that this is often done in Sport by his ancient people, and that among them it is a form of Diversion to fling themselves and each other into the sea. Yet, even while reassuring Bella, Jacob expresses dismay at how far his shirtless friends will submit to Sam’s authority, and how often they have encouraged him to throw in his lot with them, and how determined he is to resist their influence. Despite these assurances, Jacob’s cheerfulness sinks into sullenness and aggression, and he drops his acquaintance with Bella entirely. Determined to seek out the reason for Jacob’s coldness, Bella finds that he has shorn his hair and taken to walking about shirtless, and understands that he has thrown in his lot with Sam.
Ill words are exchanged between them and Bella departs, and in the course of making her way to a Clearing where she might indulge once more in recollections of Edward, she is spied by the vagrant Moor who had come upon her in the prior Playlet in the company of the red-haired Tramper and the vicious James. The Moor tells Bella that the red-haired woman, Victoria, means to retaliate upon Bella for the violent death of James, and to dispatch her in an equally gruesome fashion. The Moor – who is also one of the Afflicted, but who has not tempered his Appetites as have the Cullens – offers to slay Bella quickly and so spare her from falling victim to Victoria, but before he can carry out his object, a great black Wolf leaps from the brush, followed by several more Wolves, and drive off the Moor.
Jacob attempts to make some rapprochement with Bella, but she cannot conceal her annoyance at his throwing in his lot with Sam, and she and goes so far as to rebuke one of his companions, striking him full in the face, whereupon the young man transforms himself into a great Wolf. Bella cries out for Jacob to save himself from the Beast, whereupon Jacob makes himself into a Wolf and after a great deal of all of them tussling about as Wolves, they return to human form and go to visit a young lady called Emily, betrothed to Sam, who treats them all to little cakes which they call muffin. The lady’s face bears the scars of ill use, the result of some innocent provocation which induced Sam to make himself into a Wolf in the course of their dispute. It seems that Sam and his shirtless young disciples are of a particular class of people whose response to any provocation is to make themselves into Wolves, and those nearest them will often feel the effects of it. Emily expresses sympathy for Bella, as they have both come to love young men with Imperfections which must put a great strain upon a Romance.
Attempting once more to call up the image of Edward with an act of Imprudence, Bella throws herself off the Precipice into the sea. She is rendered unconscious and rescued by Jacob who returns her to her home, where Edward’s sister, Alice, is waiting. Alice, it seems, has been gifted with a limited amount foresight, just enough to call up an image of Bella’s plunge into the sea but not enough to make out her rescue, and while very happy to learn that Bella is not dead, Alice laments that her error has sent Edward into such despair that he means to present himself before the Royal Councillors and petition them to kill him in so permanent a manner as to ensure him not coming to life again. All Clairvoyance and other means of spirit Communication having broken down, Bella and Alice have no choice but to set out to rescue Edward, which has them making a very rapid Journey from the Village of Forks to someplace in Italy where, it seems, red Cloaks are all the Fashion.
As Edward’s appeal to the Councillors is rejected, as they might find some Use for his particular gifts in the future, he resolves to make such a Spectacle of himself before the Red-Cloaks so as to ensure a sentence of death. As he is in the course of removing his Shirt – it seems that for every Four gentleman in this Playlet, there are only shirts enough for Two – Bella appears on the scene, and the two Lovers make a declaration of their mutual Devotion and the reluctance of either to be entirely dead while the one of them is still living in some manner or other.
They are taken by the Councillors and there is a great Battle, leaving Edward at the point of death until Bella offers to exchange her life for his. The Councillors are taken aback at this declaration, as a prior attempt to peruse her Thoughts had shewn nothing at all inside her head, and so they presumed her to be as void of a Mind as they are of Soul. A Reprieve is given to all of them on the Condition that Bella will be given her wish to be Afflicted at some point in the future.
Upon their return to Forks, a reconciliation is effected between Edward and Bella, and he confesses that he had deserted her only out of a fervent wish that she might enjoy a normal Life, and vows that he will not leave her Normal again. Bella then petitions once more for Edward to inflict his Malady upon her. He asks her to wait for five years and when she objects, he reduces the term to three years. Bella furthermore insists that she will receive the Contagion from no one but Edward, and he consents on the condition that she will marry him.
Here, it left off once more and it seems that there is at least one more Playlet to be got through before anything is resolved. Though I imagine they will keep the same Players, unless, for all the wet and the cold and the want of enough warm shirts to go round some of them are taken ill.
Yours, etc,
JA
March 8
Bath
I am not surprised, my dear Cassandra, that my last Letter left you in doubt as to its veracity, but I have since learned that the Battys are not the only Creatures who chuse to while away their evenings fixed upon Programmes rather than Reading, Music or Conversation. There are a great number of these Programmes, and there are not only playlets but a peculiar sort of Diversion where the Actors are not performers of any renown, but ordinary Ladies and Gentlemen who consent to be thrown into a series of artificial and contrived Plights and Challenges – such Diversions are called Reality Programmes.
I have learned that these Programmes are a great favourite with nearly all of Bath! Only this morning, as the weather was too windy and wet for out of doors, we made our way to the Assembly rooms to take a few turns by way of exercise, and were set upon by Mrs Digweed and her daughter. They are of that class of women who are persuaded that everything of interest to them must be of interest to everybody else and are always on the hunt for a ready Ear into which they may pour their nonsense. Passing her arm through mine, Miss Digweed immediately began to recount the course of a favourite Reality Programme, called The Bachelor Programme. This Programme is fashioned as a sort of Experiment designed to shew what a single Gentleman in possession of tolerable good looks and a reasonable income will submit himself to in order to secure a Wife. This Bachelor is sent off to a Mansion where several eligible Ladies who have not found any men to marry them (or to stay married to them, as some have been divorced!) have come in quest of a Husband. Miss Digweed insists this Mansion is decorated in much the same style as the Royal Pavilion, with many chambers and fountains and walks, and great tubs always kept filled with hot water should anyone wish for a bath.
Under the guidance of a Master of Ceremonies, who is the Host and Chaperone, the Bachelor and the Ladies must submit themselves to a great deal of Sport and Quizzes designed to single out one of the Ladies as most suited to be the Bachelor’s wife. I confess I cannot understand the advantage of such a System for chusing a wife, or why a gentleman, with everything to recommend him, should feel so ill-qualified to find a Wife for himself that he will submit to an Experiment that can teach him nothing about the Ladies beyond that they all like Vingt-un better than Commerce, or a plain dish over a ragout. I cannot decide which I find more ridiculous — that any Person of sense, be it Lady or Gentleman, should submit to a match-making scheme so inclined toward Caprice and Error, or by those who can be entertained by such folly.
On their first evening at the Mansion, the ladies put on their finest attire and jewels and one by one go before the Bachelor to persuade him of their many amiable qualities and assure him of their eagerness to marry. As the Bachelor must be left a little bemused by this series of encounters, he calls upon a Lady and Gentleman who owe their present felicity to a successful conclusion to a prior Reality Programme Experiment, and he invites them to interview the ladies and then advise him as to which of them would most assure his Happiness. The obliging Pair cannot chuse the Wife but only determine which Ladies the Bachelor cannot like, and the unfortunate Bachelor is sent out to dismiss those unhappy ladies in a solemn observance known as The Rose Ceremony.
The gentleman begins by presenting a single rose to the lady whose First Impression had been particularly agreeable, which assures her that she was still among those he might chuse as his future Wife. Several more Roses are laid upon a plate and, after a some expressions of Gratitude toward the anxious ladies for Being Themselves, the Bachelor will call out a lady’s name and asks, “Will you accept this Rose?”, and her acceptance declares her desire to remain in the Experiment. As the number of Roses diminishes, there is a visible consternation among the remaining Ladies and before the last Rose is presented, the Master of Ceremonies steps in to direct their attention to it — it seems for the express purpose of extinguishing any hope of Reprieve for those who will not be singled out. Upon the presentation of the Final Rose, the remaining ladies are permitted a moment to say their Farewells and wish the Bachelor well married with their best show of Sincerity, whereupon, with many tears and great reluctance, they are made to depart.
From hereon the Programme progresses week upon week, with the Ladies becoming increasingly determined to impress upon the Bachelor their many amiable qualities by partaking in a series of Activities and Excursions. On many occasions the Bachelor must go about with several Ladies all in a group, whereupon there will be great vying for his attentions in a manner it is a wonder he can bear. If he wishes for a tete a tete with one of them, he must leave his card to solicit a private audience with her in the course of the day. (For some unfathomable reason this is called Alone Time though nobody is permitted to enjoy anything like Solitude.)
Occasionally, upon the Bachelor’s securing some Alone Time with one Lady, another of them will intrude upon them in order to draw his attention away from his present Object, in a convention known as “borrowing” or “stealing away” the Bachelor, and while this ritual transpires, the others come together to censure the ill looks of the Chosen Object, the Forwardness of the fair Intruder, and the Drama that proceeds from it all – the term “Drama” having a peculiar construction, as in indulging one’s sensibilities or possessing an objectionable practice of forever calling attention to oneself, and so to cause Drama is considered a paltry Trick, a very low Art.
As the Experiment continues, and the number of Ladies is pared down, there is an increase in the desperation of those who remain to secure the addresses of the Bachelor. Whenever he appears, it is said that the Ladies shriek out his name in a manner that I believe no Gentleman could bear unless he was a great Simpleton. Yet, while this may strain credulity, what Miss Digweed next declared did away with it entirely, for she insisted that the Ladies were so eager for the attention of the Bachelor that when he attempted to retreat to the Tub for the Enjoyment of a quiet Bath, many of them (wearing scarcely anything at all!) would leap into the Tub with him!
While any Gentleman must be put off by such a display, the Bachelor suffers it all with a show of good humour and even begins to talk of “making connexions,” which suggests that he has begun to think seriously enough of some of them to wish to know of their relations, and, indeed, when he has got his choice of a Wife down to three or four young ladies (I call them “young” as a courtesy, as Miss Digweed tells me that many have reached the age of nine-and-twenty), he will visit each of their families in turn, to seek out their Approval – yet when he has got it down to Two Ladies he continues to be so wracked with Indecision, that he takes them to meet with members of his family so that his Relations may help him in his choice. The Programme all ends with the presentation of the Final Rose to his Chosen Object, and yet, despite the Anticipation which has been raised in the final young Lady as well as all who have thrown away so many hours in viewing the Programme, there may be no offer made at the end of it. The Bachelor may chuse to ask for the lady’s hand, or ask her if she will consent to Take It To The Next Level, which is an Arrangement whereby they agree to enjoy each others’ Company without any particular promises in respect to the future.
I confess I could hardly keep my countenance at the recital of this tale. I should suspect Miss D of inventing the entire history, but while her nonsense is rarely worth hearing, it is more often than not the truth. My dear Cassandra, the more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the little Dependence that can be placed on the appearance of Merit or Sense.
Your affectionate sister,
Etc, etc
PS – As if to test my credulity even further, Miss Digweed asserts that one of the young Ladies not chosen will become the subject of her own Reality Programme, The Spinster, in which she will engage to chuse a husband in a similar fashion!
My Dear Cassandra,
We have been plagued so long by the Battys to dine with them that we had quite run through all our excuses save for the Truth – that we thought them silly creatures with only ten minutes’ worth of conversation among them – and I am holding that excuse in reserve for some occasion where their company would be wholly insufferable.
The dinner was not disagreeable as the Battys have the commendable Talent of putting enough clever people at their table to offset their own Stupidity, but when we removed to the drawing room, instead of the appearance of work baskets or cards or opening of the instrument, the Miss Batty directed us to Chairs set up in a half circle round a table upon which sat a great rectangle of dark glass on a Base of metal. She then announced that as the gentlemen meant to play at Billiards, we would occupy ourselves in looking upon a favorite Programme – this I understood to mean that we would engage in Charades or Tableaux Vivants, but Miss Batty took up a small silver disc and pressing it into the base of the Glass and taking up a rectangular device all covered over with Buttons, she was able to raise images upon the Glass – not unlike the images thrown upon the Great Sheet in the Twilight theatrical.
What followed was a brief dramatic Performance, under an hour, and no sooner had it finished than Miss Batty was able to raise up a second, and then a third Act (each of these Dramas different as to Plot and yet with the same principle Players and Scenery) which all came under the common Title of The Doctor House Programme.
Doctor House is the principle character, a Physician of great renown charged with searching out the Cause and devising Cures for particularly unusual Maladies in a Hospital somewhere in America. (That it was America was evident, for even a Surgeon is granted the title of ‘Doctor,’ and everyone behaves with great informality, even to the Women, who are often so forward and cross that they can find no men all to marry them and so must look to the Charity of the Hospital to give them Employment).
Doctor House is somewhat tall, with great roving blue eyes, and he walks with a Limp as the result of some prior infirmity, which has given him a liking for Laudanum. He is not ill-looking if he would attend to his Appearance, but he is frequently disheveled and unshaven, and his Manner betrays a Propensity to fancy himself indifferent to everybody, while in his speech there is a coarseness and deliberate incivility that he takes for Wit. Indeed, he is so disagreeable that despite his renown and a comfortable income, and the compassion that his infirmity must excite in some, he impresses me as the last man on earth that any women of sense could be prevailed upon to marry. Yet, his disagreeable temper has not given him a dislike for all Society, and he condescends to share his lodgings with a mild-tempered, long-suffering Physician named Doctor Wilson, and it is only with this gentleman that Doctor House displays anything like intimacy and candour.
Doctor Wilson and Miss Cuddy, (a woman who has been charged with keeping all of the Hospital’s troubles and grievances at bay and smoothing over the Censure and Indignation stirred up by Doctor House’s conduct) will often attempt to put a check on Doctor House’s incivility, but they are too often left to repair the ill effects of it, when they cannot discourage its expression. Indeed, my dear Sister, I believe that much of the Evil of Doctor House’s Conduct is that he has been given the Power of having too much his own way, and encouraged to think too well of his abilities.
The Dramas all begin in much the same manner, with some hapless person struck down with mystifying Symptoms of great severity. I found it very odd that in a country as vast as the United States, so many rare Complaints should crop up in the very County where Doctor House happens to be employed.
The unfortunate Sufferer is then hurried to Hospital, where he is left to languish in a large, glass-walled room while Doctor House and his apprentices quarrel over the meaning of the Symptoms and the course of his Treatment. Doctor House’s contribution to this Discourse is to make a series of ill-timed Jests and Quizzes at the expense of his apprentices and the patient, at last dispatching his apprentices to do as they like. No two of these apprentices is of the same opinion as to the Nature of the Malady and so the unfortunate Patient is subjected to a great deal of trials and proddings and surgeries as each one is determined to have his finding proved over the others’. When these attempts to effect a Cure only serve to worsen the condition of the Patient (which happens with alarming frequency) Doctor House is not above sending his apprentices off to break into the Patient’s residence in order to discover whether the Patient possesses any particular tonics or draughts which might give clews to the origin of the Malady. (This must be a peculiarity of American medicine.)
The Patient’s recovery is likewise delayed by digressions into the personal lives of the employees of the Hospital, particularly as they relate to Doctor House’s propensity to irritate them all with ill-timed Pranks and Jests and to generally cause anxiety and distress to everybody and draw attention away from the plight of the suffering Patient – indeed, the Cure is often hit upon as the result of some after-thought which occurs to Doctor House, not as the result of study or attention to the Patient, but in the course of some trivial and unrelated Task, whereupon there is a great rush to hurry the Cure to the Patient – at times, this will come too late, giving only the unhappy Satisfaction of having been correct, at last, in identifying the Malady.
The Batty girls find this sort of Entertainment delightful, but I think it would be insufferable to spend many evenings in this manner. I can only imagine that the Battys find themselves so unequal to any Conversation that they have taken up these Programmes as a means of preventing their being obliged to display anything like Sense or Wit.
It was not entirely the waste of an Evening, however – the qualities of Doctor House – the Power of having too much his own way, his resolve to think too well of his abilities, his contemptuous treatment of Everybody and his general abuse of everything before him give me just the sort of Material for fashioning the Character of Mr. Palmer. I will be obliged to add some small measure of benevolence – not too much! – or no Reader could believe that even a woman as silly as Charlotte Palmer would marry him.
Yours, etc.,
J.A.
________________________
________________________